Talking with strangers: Newfoundland friendliness edition

 

Send two introverts on vacation in Newfoundland, and one of two things is gonna happen: either they’re gonna talk with a lot of strangers and like it, or they’re gonna talk with a lot of strangers and feel uncomfortable. 

For these two introverts, happily it was the former. 

Even though we traveled with another couple, we talked with strangers on the regular. Meaning: every single day.

It started on the flight from Toronto to St. John’s, when the man seated next to me delighted us with his friendly helpfulness (and his Newfoundland dialect).

Usually when an airline seatmate is chatty, I withdraw into my book and my headphones. In this case, I was enchanted. And the Dear Man and I remained enchanted the whole time we were on vacation, talking with strangers.

Here’s what’s going on in Newfoundland that’ll turn even the most devout introverts into happy conversationalists with people they’ve never before seen

The culture

At our 2nd B&B, we had breakfast with a couple from Quebec. They said they’d told a Newfoundlander their itinerary, and she said, “Ah, you haven’t allowed much time for chattin’ with people, eh?” We all laughed… but within a day, we realized the truth of that comment.

At our 4th B&B, the owner was one of the chattiest people we’ve known — and that was a wonderful gift. He directed us to great restaurants, he told fascinating tales of Newfoundland history, and he answered all our questions with patience and apparent pleasure.

And all of it in a truly delightful dialect that sounded 60% Irish, 20% Canadian, and 20% unlike anything else. Sounding the refrain, he also said, “You can’t know Newfoundland without talking with the people, right.” We were beginning to believe it.

Restaurant owners: also chatty and friendly and helpful. At 2 of the 3 best restaurants where we ate, the owners were particularly kind and happy people. Seriously: they radiated joy.

Sam, our flight seatmate, said, “I think you’ll find the Newfoundland people to be quite welcoming.” (Imagine those words, spoken in the Irish/Canadian/Newfoundland dialect. Lovely, right?) 

Dude was correct.

Also: thanks, Sam, for the invitation to stop by for coffee and for the recommendations of cod tongues with scrunchions and Ches’s Fish & Chips. All so good. 

Bed & breakfasts

When you’re travelling through small towns in Newfoundland, your only accommodation options are B&Bs or cabin rentals.

We stayed at several B&Bs, where we had delightful breakfast conversations with people of the following descriptions:

  • True crime writer 
  • Movie grip 
  • Family history tourist 
  • Retired history teacher 
  • Swiss bankers
  • Retired veterinary professor
  • Couple who live on the same street as our BIL’s sister 

Lack of Internet service

Guess what? No Internet in the fjord

When traveling internationally and being frugal, often there’s no Internet service.

Also, when traveling in remote areas of Newfoundland: no Internet unless you’ve got wifi.

Therefore… more reason to talk with people, to find out information.

And… more reason to talk with people because you’re not all absorbed in the screen world.

Small island

We kept seeing the same people everywhere we went.

Then we’d drive to a new region, and we’d encounter a new group of fellow travelers who’d appear repeatedly at our B&B, on the overlook hike, at the shipwreck site, and then again at dinner.

Hello, friends! We’ll see you tomorrow on the whale watching boat. 

 

For a couple of confirmed introverts, the experience was nothing short of life-changing. 

I’ve returned to the States refreshed and renewed and feeling like a new human. When I say life-changing, I’m not even kidding.

I love stories of lightning bolts of self-development.

Anyone else have one of those life-changing moments during travel?

What I learned about (not) slowing down

Last year one of my 18 for 2018 goals was to remind myself to slow down. And I did. Kinda.

I set up a Google Calendar reminder that pinged me daily with “Slow down.”

I’ll confess: every day, my reaction was basically:

Then, this year, out of nowhere (it wasn’t even a goal!), I chose a theme word: Comfort.

And guess what?

Totally slowed me down.

It turns out, I need something to aim for, rather than something simply to avoid.

This should be surprising to no one.

Give me a target (comfort), and I’ll try to hit it (within reason; I’m not gonna do something awful just cuz someone suggests it).

The result: I’ve been taking it easier this year (mostly — there’ve also been some fantastic failures already) because I’m targeting comfort.

So if you’re one of those Achiever / Upholder types, I invite you to benefit from my year of slowing-down failure.

Reframe a vague goal about slowing down to smell the roses into a targeted positive goal. (Take 5 deep breaths. Find comfort. Stand up and stretch.)

It’s weird how enticing the slowing-down becomes, once it’s stated as a target (comfort!) to aim for.

Any other Achiever / Upholders out there who’ve experienced this kind of brain jujitsu? What other tips do you have?

Plan better parties

The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters by Priya Parker

3 words: conversational, thought-provoking, intriguing

 

 

You know how sometimes you pick up a self-improvement book and you don’t even want to put it down? This is one of those.

Right from the start, I was drawn in by Parker’s conversational tone and then held rapt by her surprising statements about how to put together better gatherings.

I finished this book in a whirlwind right before hosting a party, and I went from my usual Mary Richards near-fiasco to a level of confidence I hadn’t had before. 

Here are my favorite takeaways from the book:

Have a purpose for your gathering

And if the purpose isn’t evident, sit down and figure it out ahead of time. This’ll give you a destination to aim for. It seriously helps make decisions about how to make the event meaningful.

Be a bossy host

Parker warns against the dangers of being a chill host — which is done to be kind, but ends up being unhelpful. Be a little bit bossy. The host should protect guests from boredom and uncertainty. Have a plan.

Equalize your guests

If people attending the gathering differ due to perceptions based on career or status, take steps to bring everyone to the same level for the duration of the gathering so they can connect as equals.

Make each gathering different from all other gatherings

Think about how this gathering will be unique and play up those aspects. 

 

While I’ll never be the hostess with the mostest, this book helped me up my game and made me feel more solid in my role as host.

Don’t you just love it when a book can do that for you?

Give this book a whirl if you like… learning how to plan parties that are more meaningful and meetings that are more effective, new ways of conceptualizing gatherings, why being a benevolently bossy host can be best

So, my friends… please tell me your favorite hosting tip. Or the best thing you ever experienced as a guest at a gathering. I love this stuff.

Red, white, and blue — and learning something new

As a kid, I did this dorky thing almost every year on the 4th of July: I’d sit down in the family room (the perfect room for summer — all windows on two sides) and teach myself something new. 

I’m not sure what that was all about, but I suspect that after a full month of summertime — and reading whatever I wanted all day long (oh my gosh… the bliss of it still hits me today) — I think I was feeling the need for some academic rigor. 

So I taught myself the sign language alphabet one year. And the Greek alphabet another. And the phonetic alphabet after that (…so when I saw the title Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, I knew that wasn’t very nice language).  

And this year, I learned some bloggy things. The biggest part of the day I spent learning to use the Elementor plugin for WordPress. 

 

I reworked my About page and pre-posted a couple of upcoming posts, and then attempted to do some stuff to the header, but that didn’t work out as well. 

But I learned stuff!

And it was fun. And I didn’t even say Whiskey Tango anything at any point during the process. 

And then the Dear Man and I went for a stroll through our beautiful new neighborhood and looked at all the lovely old houses, and we talked history and it was so pleasantly geeky. And now here I am, writing this post and feeling excited about all the things I can do with Elementor. 

And now, your friendly Independence Day dork is signing off for the week. 

My fellow Americans… I hope you had a happy 4th!

What are your favorite 4th of July traditions? 

 
 

Organizing the spice drawer

I meant to write about spring goals and new growth. Instead I’m writing about organizing our spices. Because that’s where I am right now, and it sure feels like growth.

When I read Carson Tate’s post about balancing your life like the four seasons, I was immediately captivated by the idea. And also relieved, because this framework allows us to tackle only one aspect at a time. And that’s such an easing of a burden.

I tend to overload myself with ambitious projects, and then I just get tired. So one season at a time? I got this…

For springtime, she suggests:

  • New ideas
  • New beginnings
  • Decluttering
  • Letting go of the past

As I see it, there are two phases here, which kind of line up with Marie Kondo’s thinking: let go of the past to open up possibilities for the future.

One of my “19 for 2019” goals is to go through all the boxes in the basement, which contain I’ve-forgotten-what. So that project is saying “spring” to me. (But will I get to it before winter? I have my doubts.)

Meanwhile, what I have done is to tidy up the spice rack. It’s actually the spice drawer, and it was pretty horrid. We both got frustrated trying to find the oregano. And really, people shouldn’t have to live like that.

So, inspired by The Home Edit, I bought:

…and we had ourselves some results.

Before:

During:

After:

It’s a small step, growth-wise, but it sure makes cooking more pleasant. Plus, every time I open the doors of the pantry, I get a little ping of joy.

So, along with walking along the river to see the spring flowers, that’s part of my springtime celebration.

What’re you doing to celebrate spring?

Digital Minimalism | Drop Everything and Read

Today is Drop Everything and Read Day, which, of course, is a favorite holiday for many readers.

Today I’m celebrating it also as Drop the Phone and Read Day, after having read Cal Newport’s latest book Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World.

The idea of the book is this: reclaim high-quality leisure. Build something, join something, spend time with the people who matter most. And put down the darn smartphone.

In my case, I’ve carved out more time to read and to organize my home library. Super rewarding!

This is one of those books that prescribes a social media fast, and I’ll admit I did this only half-heartedly. And still: results!

What I did was to set these parameters for myself:

  • Instagram: only when planking, stretching, or doing strengthening exercises
  • Facebook: only twice a day, and for less than 5 minutes per day; moved app to 3rd screen on phone
  • Twitter: deleted from my phone

Even after the first week, my screen time went down. And I felt the wonderful liberation of extra free time. It was stunning.

And as Newport cautions, it can feel a bit empty at first, when one begins setting boundaries on these apps that benefit more from our attention than we benefit from granting them our precious time. A person feels a little bit at a loss.

But I soon began reveling in the extra reading time. And I felt more calm and rested. Time seemed to expand, and that’s well worth missing a post or two by people I barely know.

Anyone else done a social media fast? What were the results?

19 for 2019: the first update

We’re 1/4 of the way through the year, and I’m feeling a little bit concerned about my (lack of) progress on those wonderful 19 for 2019 goals I set.

The only thing that’s been definitively completed is this one:

Decide whether to catalog our home library

Given my slow progress on all those other goals, the decision on that one is: Ain’t gonna do it.
And that’s OK.

Meanwhile, there’s been headway on several of the goals that are ongoing in nature. They’re a-going…

Here’s what’s been happening…

Learn & use 12 new techniques on the blog

I’ve done 4 new things, including creating a content calendar and expanding the use of menus. This one’s right on course, and I’m excited about the next steps.

Set a twice-a-month grocery shopping rotation and stick with it

This goal’s firmly in place, and I’d say it’s a set habit, to the point that I’m calling it Completed. Every two weeks, I plan menus for the next two weeks, write the grocery list, and shop. Then the Dear Man picks up perishables during week 2. It’s pretty fabulous. Here’s something we cooked…

Have dinner twice monthly with a good friend

One of my happiest traditions!

Maximize the use of our new Instant Pot

This is also underway, and I’m making this amazing red lentil soup later this week. No photos available, because mainly we’ve been making non-photogenic but wonderful soups. And also a couple of things We’re Never Making Again (including that one thing I threw directly down the garbage disposal).

Style our kitchen island seasonally

Our kitchen island styling started out in fall and then the Christmas season, which were relatively easy. As the Dear Man says, Christmas always looks good. After Epiphany, we removed the Christmas-y touches and just went with a simplified evergreen and white motif. And then we faced springtime. We went Easter-y because it just turned out that way.

Dear Man and the Krazy Glue to the rescue, because I managed to drop the rabbit on my way into the house. But he glued on the broken ear so smoothly I can barely see the crack. And now I love that rabbit even more, because less than a minute after the break, the Dear Man was hard at work on the remedy.

Here we’ve also got an heirloom pitcher from my Dad’s Swedish-American ancestors and one of my favorite lidded containers made by my favorite potter. And the Dear Man’s dear mom’s vintage cookbook on the scale. All of these things make me wicked happy.

Research the history of our (school)house

I love research (librarian!!) so I’m undaunted by the obstacles we’ve been facing, including The Mystery of the Missing Schoolhouse Dedication. I’ve searched microfilm of two local newspapers, have been granted access to historical records from multiple local agencies, and still the search continues. There are more newspapers to explore, so onward…

But (big news) we discovered the name of our school’s architect, and we found a book he wrote about schoolhouses, which contains our floorplan, and I ordered a copy via Abebooks. I’m only a little bit impatient for its arrival.

So that’s the situation here.

I still have a Caesar salad to perfect, nearly a thousand blog posts to reformat, some history geek traveling to plan (woohoo!), and a vintage typewriter to decode. Plus KonMari-ing the basement boxes.

How’re your 2019 goals progressing?

Theme for 2019: Comfort

Serendipity is the one word that describes the path to my choosing a one-word theme for 2019.

I was listening to the Happier podcast while doing strength training, and the episode was about choosing a one-word theme for the new year.

And without really giving it much thought, my endorphins delivered unto me a word:

Comfort

And I knew instantly that it was right.

What do I want more of? Comfort

What do I want to give more of? Comfort

It’s a word that inspired me, that same evening after my workout, to sit down and read a book. Even though there was filing and tidying to do.

Happy cat, cozy slippers, snuggly throw, hot tea, good book, happy home

So now I’m thinking of ways to make our home more comfortable and our lives more relaxed. There’s gonna be comfort food and comfy clothes and cozy evenings. I’m looking forward to it.

Anyone else have a one-word theme for 2019?

19 for 2019

Last year I was inspired by the Happier podcast to create a list of 18 goals for 2018. And I got ’em done!

Now I’m excited about 2019… cuz I dearly adore the setting and pursuit of goals.

Here’s what I’ve got in mind for the year ahead…

Yes, it’s lovely… but does it type??
  • Learn Instagram Stories with the Dear Man
  • Spend some serious quality time with our sisters
  • Learn & use 12 new techniques on the blog
  • Decide whether to catalog our home library
  • Perfect my Caesar salad
  • Set a twice-a-month grocery shopping rotation and stick with it
  • Style our kitchen island seasonally
  • Find out if my vintage typewriter actually works… and if so, use it
  • Write a series of blog posts
  • Go on at least 3 history geek trips with the Dear Man
  • Actually go through all those boxes in the basement
  • Have dinner twice monthly with a good friend
  • Do at least 3 of the activities in This Is Where You Belong
  • Fix formatting on all blog posts (cuz that Blogger import was not perfect)
  • Maximize the use of our new Instant Pot
  • Go on a field trip with a good friend
  • Figure out the layout of the den
  • Get the TVs set up
  • Research the history of our (school)house
Home sweet schoolhouse

And yes, it occurs to me that I’ve bitten off more than I can chew… but that’s nothing new.

So I’m launching into the new year with big goals and too many of them… and I’m ready to have at it!

And I mean it when I say I adore goals, and I’m love to hear yours. What are your plans for the new year?

18 for 2018: done!

Early in the year, I set up 18 goals — some big, some small — for 2018.

And then I started pickin’ ’em off…  

And I kept at it, sort of.  

And then completing the list wasn’t looking likely during the Fall Update, but I pulled it off in the end. 

Here’s the account of the final 3 items on the list…

Buy typewriter key jewelry

Way earlier in the year, when I was trapped someplace with only my phone at hand, I scouted out some sources for typewriter key jewelry. And then I sat on it for months, because busy. So in mid-December, I re-did the search cuz the clock was ticking. And while I’d love to be able to wear a bracelet of typewriter keys, I just can’t do bracelets. (They get in my way!) So I went for the necklace. This one.

        

Memorize five quotes

Done! (I’d share them, but they’re for myself alone*)  

Invite friends for dinner

I’m a nervous chef who performs best without pressure.

And dinner guests = pressure.

Plus, lots of us are tricky to feed (special diets, specialized palate, restrictions, all that stuff).

So I’m calling this good: we invited the Dear Man’s Dear Sister and Dear Brother-in-Law (who definitely are our friends), and we ordered a pizza from a local place that makes deep dish pizzas that one cooks at home. So:

Friends    CHECK

Applying heat to dinner  CHECK

Serving said dinner to said friends CHECK

Stick a fork in it: it’s done!

Here’s the full (completed!) list of my 18 for 2018…

  • Call old friends on a regular basis
  • Buy typewriter key jewelry    
  • Go on southern vacation with the Dear Man and Younger Sister
  • Go on northern vacation with the Dear Man and Older Sister
  • Roast vegetables once a month
  • Burn a candle when writing
  • Buy fresh flowers & watch a YouTube video to figure out how to arrange them
  • Invite friends for dinner
  • Begin meditating
  • Memorize 5 quotes    
  • Visit 3 history geek places
  • Replace long wool coat
  • Bake 2 family recipes
  • Buy warm winter coat & boots
  • Remind myself to slow down once per day
  • Complete 2 of the 3: Book Bingo, Read Harder, and Modern Mrs Darcy reading challenges
  • Zipline
  • Do a deep decluttering of my house

And now it’s on to planning my 19 for 2019…

What’re your favorite accomplishments of the year?


*Not true: The Dear Man knows what they are